Chosen Family Is Still Family
Some of the most tender moments in my office start with a simple question: who’s your family? The answer rarely matches the family tree. It’s the friend who’s been your emergency contact for fifteen years. The ex who became a brother. The older lesbian who mothered you through your twenties. The group chat that shows […]
The Imposter in the Rehearsal Room
Working actors, exhibited artists, produced writers, creators with real audiences. In my work with creative people, I hear the same private sentence: any minute now, they’re going to figure out I don’t belong here. Another success doesn’t always quiet it. Book the job, and they made a mistake. Get the review, and the critic was […]
Coming Out Later in Life: It’s Not Too Late, and You’re Not Behind
Some of the most tender sessions I’ve been part of have a client in their fifties or sixties saying out loud something they’ve known since they were nine. With National Coming Out Day this Sunday, I want to write for the people the day often overlooks: those coming out in their forties, fifties, sixties, and […]
Shame Says You Are the Mistake
Guilt and shame get used interchangeably, but they’re profoundly different animals, and knowing which one you’re dealing with changes everything about how you heal. Guilt says: I did something bad. Shame says: I’m bad. Guilt is about a behavior. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s useful; it points at something to repair. You apologize, you make it […]
It’s Not That They Don’t Care. It’s ADHD.
There’s a fight that couples with ADHD in the mix know by heart. One partner: “You forgot again. If it mattered to you, you’d remember.” The other: “I do care. I just… forgot.” Neither is lying. And that’s exactly what makes it so painful. When Symptoms Read as Character ADHD symptoms have a way of […]
Your Body Was Never the Problem
Most of us now carry a device that shows us hundreds of curated bodies a day, then hands us a camera pointed at ourselves. It would be strange if that didn’t mess with us. I hear about it constantly in my office, from actors scrutinized on camera, from content creators whose body literally is the […]
The Post-Show Comedown Is Real
A note for performers, because a lot of you closed yesterday. Today you’re mostly just tired. The flowers are still alive, the group chat is still going, and you figure you’ll sleep it off. Give it until Wednesday. Somewhere in there a heaviness shows up that nobody warned you about, and you’ll probably tell yourself […]
Why Saying No Feels Dangerous
Somewhere along the way, a lot of us learned that other people’s comfort was our job. That disappointing someone was a small emergency. That “no” was a word other people got to use. If you recognize yourself, keep reading. This one’s for you. People-Pleasing Isn’t Kindness The uncomfortable distinction I offer clients is this: kindness […]
Taking Rejection Personally, When It Literally Is Personal
I went to art school before I became a therapist, which means my first real experience with rejection happened in a critique room. You pin your work to the wall, then stand next to it while people talk about it in front of you. The polite fiction is that they’re discussing the piece. Everyone in […]
Thinking About Opening Up Your Relationship?
More couples than ever are asking the question. Sometimes one partner brings it up, and the other’s stomach drops. Sometimes both have been circling it for years. Either way, they often end up on my couch, asking some version of “Are we crazy to try this?” You’re not crazy. But there’s a right way to […]