Most of us now carry a device that shows us hundreds of curated bodies a day, then hands us a camera pointed at ourselves. It would be strange if that didn’t mess with us.
I hear about it constantly in my office, from actors scrutinized on camera, from content creators whose body literally is the storefront, from gay men swimming in a culture with famously narrow ideals, and from regular humans who just opened Instagram before bed.
The Feed Isn’t Reality, But Your Brain Doesn’t Know That
Comparison is ancient wiring. For most of history, you compared yourself to the few dozen people in your village. Now the village is algorithmically selected to be the most striking faces and bodies on earth, filtered, angled, and lit.
Your nervous system can’t tell the difference. It just registers: everyone looks like this, and I don’t. The math is rigged, and you’re doing it against a fantasy.
For performers and creators there’s an extra twist: the feed isn’t just social, it’s professional. Your look feels tied to your booking, your subscribers, your income. That turns every perceived flaw into a career anxiety, which is a heavy thing to carry into a mirror.
The Body as Enemy
When we feel out of control or not enough, the body often becomes the scapegoat. Fix the body, fix the life. But the goalposts move every time you reach them; anyone who’s ever hit a target weight and felt the same afterward knows this.
The real issue is rarely the body. It’s the relationship with the body: treating it as an object to be judged rather than a place you live. And in the LGBTQ+ community especially, there can be old grief tangled in there, years of feeling wrong in your skin for other reasons, now attached to your reflection.
A Different Relationship
I won’t insult you with “just love yourself.” What actually helps is less glamorous.
Curate the feed ruthlessly; unfollow what makes you feel worse, your brain deserves a better village. Notice the judging voice and ask whose voice it originally was; it’s rarely yours. Practice experiencing your body from the inside, what it feels, what it does, rather than only how it photographs. Movement that feels good rather than punitive. And if eating or exercise has started to feel compulsive or frightening, please take that seriously and reach out for support.
Your body has been carrying you through this whole life. It was never the problem.
If this is a tender spot, you’re far from alone in it. I offer virtual therapy across New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts, and in person sessions in Manhattan. Consultations are free if you’d like to talk.
Read more reflections on healing, relationships, and growth on the blog: brettpsych.com/blogs
The content of this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or mental health advice. Reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are struggling or in crisis, please reach out to a qualified professional. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or dial 911.
