The phrase “Sex Positive” shows up on a lot of therapist profiles these days, including mine. But clients have told me they clicked on it without fully knowing what it promised. So let me spell out what it means in my office.
It Means You Don’t Have to Translate
A lot of people spend their first sessions with a new therapist doing quiet math. Can I say this? Will they flinch? Do I need to explain what that’s, or defend why I do it?
Sex positive therapy means you can skip that part. Kink, casual sex, no sex, sex work, porn, open relationships, toys, fantasies you’ve never said out loud. You can just say the thing. My job isn’t to be shocked. My job is to help you figure out whether your sexual life is working for you, by your own measure.
It Means Your Work Is Work
I see sex workers and adult content creators, studio and independent, OnlyFans and beyond. In my office, that’s a job. It comes with the things jobs come with: income stress, burnout, boundaries, difficult clients, an industry with its own politics.
What it doesn’t come with here is an assumption that the work itself is the wound. If it’s causing you pain, we’ll look at that honestly. If it isn’t, we won’t spend your money treating a problem you don’t have. You’d be surprised how rare that’s, and how much therapy time sex workers have lost to clinicians who couldn’t get past the job title.
It Means Judgment-Free Isn’t the Same as Feedback-Free
Sex positive doesn’t mean I nod along with everything. If something in your sexual life is hurting you or the people around you, we’ll talk about it directly, the way we’d talk about anything else. Compulsivity, avoidance, using sex to not feel things. Those are real patterns worth looking at.
The difference is the starting point. I don’t start from the idea that sex is a problem to be minimized. I start from the idea that sexuality is a normal, healthy part of being human, and yours belongs to you.
It Means All of You Is Welcome
Gay, straight, bi, queer, questioning. Monogamous, open, poly, single and loving it. Vanilla or not remotely. Lots of desire, little desire, desire that’s changed and confused you.
Whatever you bring, the questions are the same ones: Is this true to you? Is it consensual and honest? Is it adding to your life? Those are the only measures that matter here.
If you’ve been looking for a therapist you don’t have to edit yourself for, I’d be glad to meet you. I offer virtual therapy across New York, Connecticut, and Massachusetts, and in-person sessions in Manhattan. Consultations are free if you’d like to talk.
Read more reflections on healing, relationships, and growth on the blog: brettpsych.com/blogs
The content of this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and doesn’t constitute medical or mental health advice. Reading it doesn’t create a therapist-client relationship. If you’re struggling or in crisis, please reach out to a qualified professional. If you’re experiencing a mental health emergency, call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or dial 911.
